Teachable Moments

After every visit to The Barnabas Horse Foundation, I find myself processing everything I am able to remember, because in doing so, I can continue the work this healing journey requires. The work doesn't stop after I drive through the gate and away from Barnabas nor does it stop after I exit the office of my therapist. In fact, it is just the beginning.

With the arrival of Spring, the lessons between life on the farm and my journey are quite powerful. There are moments, when I'm at Barnabas, that I grow quiet and "check-out," but it is also in those moments that I feel more instinctively aware of the people and horses around me. My sense of smell, sight, touch, and hearing open my mind to places of thought and connection. My mind shifts and when it shifts, I see everything on a much deeper level. Later, when I have time to sit and be still, I realize I have been a witness to one of nature's most teachable moments...moments that have the opportunity to lead me to a fuller understanding of growth and peace.

As I was preparing to write today, five words from Psalm 23 jumped out at me..."green pastures...restoreth my soul." At first, I wondered why those particular words. But then I remembered things I had been shown, or observed, at the farm for the past couple of weeks and soon, those five words began to make perfect sense.

"What are three things you see?"

In our past conversations, Jenn and Sue have asked me this question. I know the reasoning behind them asking, but today, I believe this one question can provide further guidance to my healing.

So...if they asked me this question today, my answer would include things from the past couple of weeks...

1. dirt

2. trees

3. horses

Now how can those things even begin to help me move towards healing? I had not given it much thought before today, but those three little things can actually help in showing me the way.

DIRT: The layout of the ground is ever changing. Some days there are prints left by both human and horse, it's a way to keep record that we have walked upon this shared space. The prints we leave behind show there will be times when we all walk together and times when we walk away from each other...we may, or may not, even notice when the prints, we once saw, disappear. Finding connection is key...

Other days, I find the ground muddy...and everyday, there is horse poop. Realistically, this is the part of the healing process that gets the most attention, right? Because healing is messy....it is dirty, muddy and most assuredly, crappy. Keep moving forward...

TREES: There are a couple of trees that leave one to wonder how they are still thriving. How did they find a way to produce new leaves and branches in places not thought possible? If I look at them from a strategic standpoint, I can see they would not have found new growth without changing their direction. New life was begging to find a way out of those trees and changing direction allowed that to happen. In order for me to move along on my journey, I have to change my direction.

HORSES: There are a number of ways horses assist in the healing process. But it wasn't until grooming Doc that I saw something in a much deeper way. The horses are in the process of losing their winter coats as they transition into the "new coat" they will need in order to survive the next season of their life. The loss of each individual hair, as I brushed it from its place and watched it blow away in the wind, is symbolic of the pain that can be relinquished through the healing process, when it's ready...it's the letting go... When I am ready to let go, new growth will begin to replace those painful memories and I will be able to move forward into my next season.

I have always felt more at home and at ease in nature. As I continue to work through my pain, and the memories that keep that pain alive, I hope, that when I feel like I have nothing left and I'm about to give up, that I will be able to draw upon the dirt, the trees and the horses, as a source of strength...and to remember what a little messiness, a change of direction and letting go can bring...

~Parker